Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize