I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
