Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
