Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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