there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
