Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
