Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
