Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
