Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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