I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
