Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm just crazy horny about you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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