whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
