if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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