so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
