I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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