I looked at my own cervix.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
