hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
