cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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