it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize