Barsexuality is the new black.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
