If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
