i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
