Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
