The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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