We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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