so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
