We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
how drunk are you?
Several
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
