I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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