I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is it penis luge time yet?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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