a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize