he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
