Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize