you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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