seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
