drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
