Just fell off a train. Bad.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
