lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
