two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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