I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
