roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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