I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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