i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
