Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
