she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
