I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
