You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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