If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
