sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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