i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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