wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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