I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
