goodnight i made you a song goodbye
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
