just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
