you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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