this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
