You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
