Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
