everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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