Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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