drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
