Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
