I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
