Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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