I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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