I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
